Getting Along with Others

Take Care of Yourself
The first step to getting along with others is being able to get along with yourself. You can do this by making sure to keep yourself healthy, happy, and tip-top!

- Get enough sleep.
- Pamper yourself regularly.
- Keep your space clean and organized.
- Keep up with your finances.
- Get outside enough.
- Exercise and eat right.
- Treat yourself.
- Do things you love.
- Keep yourself happy.

Gratitude
Another way to get along with yourself and others is to appreciate all the good things in your life. Gratitude can be as simple as a list of 3 things that you are thankful for. You can write these things down in a lovely journal first thing in the morning or last thing at night (or both!) If you keep a gratitude journal, you will have something to look through whenever you need a reminder to feel positive. It will also help you attract more things you are grateful for into your life. Challenge yourself by never repeating the same thing twice, and try to add another thing you are grateful for each month. Once you train your mind to be on the lookout for things to be grateful for, you'll start finding so many more things, both big and small, to be thankful for.

Next, make sure you express that gratitude to the people around you. We often get caught up expressing our frustrations or venting or complaining to our loved ones, and they respond either by nurturing or venting back to us. Some people even play the devil's advocate, which can turn into more frustration, because we end up feeling unheard or misunderstood and even angry. Whether you express gratitude for the person themselves and the wonderful things they do for us (for example: thanking your mother for cooking a beautiful holiday meal) or things unrelated to them such as the nice weather you've been enjoying or the delicious meal at a restaurant you're at, the positivity has a ripple effect. It's much harder to argue against gratitude, and your gratitude will influence them to feel more positive and grateful as well.

Aim for a mix of both types of gratitude. Too much gratitude towards a person personally can feel like you are flattering them and they might feel you have an ulterior motive, while too much gratitude for other things may come off as braggy, especially if you express a lot of gratitude for things that are happening to you and not them (eg: your great promotion, your new house, and your amazing family.) Be sensitive to whom your talking: you may not want to express too much gratitude for your wonderful husband to a friend who is a single mother or going through a breakup or divorce or for your wonderful new baby to a friend who is struggling with infertility. You can mention these things some, if course, but try not to rub their face in it.

If you express a variety of gratitude, the people in your life will feel appreciated and they will find more things to be thankful for in their lives as well. Another important thing to mention is that many people subconsciously become who others think they are, for better or for worse. So, if you make sure that you are  looking for the best in people, they will usually become better and do more good things, knowing that they are appreciated and valued.

(Note: not all people will strive to become the good person you see them to be. If you're expressing gratitude, but someone isn't meeting your high expectation, they may have low self esteem, believing deep inside that they aren't the great person you see. This is something they need to work on for themselves, and you may need to leave them alone to work on it. You may also be seeing them in too positive of a light. Make sure your expectations are high but reasonable. No one is perfect!)

Make Yourself Present and Available to Them
You need to make time for the people in your life if you want a good relationship with them. This should be fairly consistent and will vary according to your life and level of intimacy. A certain time each day is a good idea for a significant other, while once or twice a week or month is fine for friends. Talk to them about what's going on in your life, and be sure to listen attentively to them as well. If you have a hard time remembering things about friends you don't see as often or newer friends, write down some details about what they said afterwards. Quickly go over your list before you see them again and mention something they said or ask a follow-up question about it. They will be impressed with your memory and feel like you really care about them and what's going on in their lives.

Staying Out of Their Way
Conversely, there are times when you need to stay out of people's way. This is especially true for very intimate relationships such as family, partners and roommates. If you're constantly around someone, it's easy to become complacent, get bored, take people for granted or begin to find things to nitpick about them. You certainly don't want someone to start doing these to you!

Make sure to keep yourself as a priority in your life. You should spend plenty of time on your own things. Be sure to regularly go places and do things that you love without that person. Go to a yoga class. Make dates with friends or spend time by yourself. Go to restaurants, go hiking, visit a museum or park. Work on your projects - your business, your art, your writing, your music. The possibilities are endless!

Your stuff. If you live with other people (and, honestly, even if you don't,) keep your stuff in check. Many of us strive for minimalism, but things just tend to accumulate. Regularly go through your possessions to make sure you are letting go of things you no longer want, need or use. If you haven't used it in 2 years, get rid of it- sell it, give it away, or throw it out/recycle it. Make sure everything has a place. Keep your things orderly and put away. Make sure that the other person has equal space for themselves and their things and that the spaces you're giving them are equally as convenient to get to as yours.

Keep the house clean and organized. This helps everyone mood because the living space is healthy and vibrant. Keep plants and nurture them so they can efficiently clean the air. Keep everything tidy and minimalistic. This keeps our minds calm and positive. Lighting is important too. Make sure the space is as bright as possible during the day with natural light, and calm and warmly lit in the evening. This will set our bodies' circadian rhythms to help us feel energized during the day and ready to wind down at night. I also suggest keeping a hygge environment, especially during the evening.

Eat your own food. If you have a roommate, this is really important. Don't assume that their food is your food. If something they have looks good, get your own! If you do eat something of theirs accidentally, apologize and replace it right away. Make sure, like everywhere else, that your giving them enough space in cupboards and the refrigerator and freezer.

Be Kind and Compassionate
Be kind to them. Speak kindly of others around them as well. Do little things to help them or just to make them happy. Make a healthy and delicious meal they love, get them coffee or tea, give them a little gift or note or drawing, plan a fun night in or a day adventure through the city, or make a treat they like (brownies and cookies almost always work!)

Find Balance
In relationships, as everything in life, it's important to find balance. Equalize the give and take, the here and there, the talk and listen. You will be happier and so will everyone around you.

Any more ideas on getting along? Leave a comment below!