Relationship Tips

Some relationships work out and others just don't! Whether it's a significant other, friend or child, here are my tips for making relationships work:

• Always assume the best about them. If they make a mistake, forgive them quickly. Think of them in a positive light as much as possible. Notice when you think unkind thoughts towards them and stop yourself early because those thoughts can easily change into actions or attitudes that they will eventually feel and notice. If you are afraid because other people have hurt you, you are closing yourself off to a possibly very great person. Deal with those thoughts and emotions logically. This person deserves a real chance to show you they are good. And if they aren't, don't hesitate to drop them. If you absolutely cannot trust someone, you probably need some counseling and just not to be in a relationship. Listen to your gut!

• Focus on them more. Not every minute is going to be about them, but make sure to focus your attention on them for at least a few minutes every single day. Never stop getting to know them and showing them that they matter to you. They should know that they are one of your favorite people in the world and that you want them in your life.

• Do little things for them. Don't put off those cute little ideas you have. Do them now! Write them little thank-you and love notes. Draw them a picture. Write them a poem. Make them things, using your creativity. Pick them up little gifts for them when you're out and about. Relationships do take work, but it should be fun and rewarding work.

• Learn their love language and make sure to give love in their language. For example, if your partner's love language is physical touch, be sure to touch them often. Hold hands. Put your hand on their leg when they're driving. Give them backrubs. Lay with them skin-to-skin. If their love language is quality time, make sure to set aside time every week to spend with them and them alone. This will look different for your children or friends. I highly recommend reading the Love Languages book.

• Accept differences of opinion with grace and kindness. They don't have to agree with you on every single thing. In fact, many people who have vastly different political, philosophical, and even religious beliefs can have strong, happy relationships. Having a different opinion than you does not make them stupid and it doesn't make them your enemy; it simply means they have had different life experiences than you and therefore have a different worldview. Clearly, there are some things you will not be able to accept, like moral values, but if it's just a simple disagreement, let it slide.

• Say yes more! When they ask you to do something with them, they're asking for a little piece of you -- your time, your life, because they want to share it with you. Whenever you can, say yes with an open heart and have fun with them!

• Trust them. This one is similar to the first, but a little more specific. For a significant other, don't get caught up in thinking they might want to be with someone else. Love yourself. Do everything you can to make and keep yourself awesome - physically, mentally, emotionally, socially. And know that this will be enough for the people who love you. Of course there are other beautiful and wonderful people in the world. Give your partner the freedom to acknowledge and admire them, but know that they are with you because you're unique and wonderful too. Jealousy is nasty and it turns people nasty. Don't give in to it. For children and friends, make sure to trust that they are doing the right thing and are good people. Obviously, if they show you otherwise or you have a weird feeling, trust yourself, but leading with trust is the best way.

• Let them win sometimes. This one is hard if you're competitive like I am, and don't get me wrong! I'm not saying let them win at everything all the time or to make yourself look completely incompetent. But, have you ever played a game with some who always wins, or with someone who gets upset when they don't win?  Doesn't make you want to play with them much, does it? And I'm not just talking about games and sports, although that's a big part of it. It's also about arguments. Do you always have to have the last word? Do you always have to be right? Again, not very much fun for them, is it? My mom always used to say "You can be right, or you can be happy" and sometimes that's true.

• Get into what they're into! If they are into something you aren't, give it a shot! You might just end up loving it. I had an ex who listened to Christian worship music, and while I am a Christian, I just never gave it much of a chance before. Now I love it and listen to it regularly while driving or cooking. A different friend got me into rock climbing, a sport I still love to this day despite that fact that I'm horribly afraid of heights! Give it a true shot, even if you think you won't like it. Sometimes you'll surprise yourself.

• Don't let yourself be too busy for them. I know it is hard! I am a working mom. I'm busy and stressed out more than I'd like to be. There are days I barely make time to send a picture or a text to my partner. Days when taking a few moments to focus on my kids feels hard. While it may feel like you are doing the best you can, you can usually do a tiny bit better. Make time, no matter how tired you are, no matter how many things you have on your plate.

• Have fun! It's so important to have fun, no matter what you're doing. You have relationships to have fun with the people you love and share your life with them. There's no reason to make it any more hard or stressful than it has to be. Sure, everyone has their days, but overall life should be more joyful with you in it.

• Don't take anyone for granted. This is the ultimate point of this whole list. For many reasons, you have no idea how much time you have left with anyone. Never take their presence in your life for granted. Be present with them, give them your time and attention while you can.  You'll be much happier.

Do you have any relationship tips? I'd love to hear them below!