Relationship Notes to Self

I recently got out of a year-long relationship with a person I thought was my "the one." Some things were beyond my control, but I recognize that I could have done many things differently to (possibly) change the outcome of the relationship. Moving forward, I have thought about my mistakes so I won't repeat them. Hopefully this helps some of you out there as well! Let me know your relationship tips below!

• Always assume the best about the other person. If they make a mistake, forgive them quickly. Think of them in a positive light as much as possible. Notice when you think unkind thoughts towards or about them because those thoughts can easily change into actions or attitudes that they will feel and notice. If you are afraid because other people before the person you're seeing have hurt you, you are closing yourself off to a possibly very great person. Deal with those thoughts and emotions logically. This person deserves a real chance to show you they are good. And if they aren't, don't hesitate to drop them. If you absolutely cannot trust someone, you probably need some counseling and not to be in a relationship. It isn't fair to them to be dating someone who is closed off from fear.
• Focus on the other person. Never stop getting to know them and showing them that they matter to you. They should know that they are your favorite person in the world and that you want to spend the rest of your life with them.
• Do little things for them. Don't put off those cute little ideas. Do them now. Write them little thank you and love notes. Draw them a picture. Write them a poem. Make them things, using your creativity. Pick them up little gifts. You never know how much time you have left with them. Relationships do take work, but it should be fun and rewarding work.
• Learn their love language and make sure to give love in their language. If your partner's love language is physical touch, be sure to touch them often. Hold hands. Put your hand on their thigh when they're driving. Give them backrubs. Lay with them skin-to-skin. If their love language is quality time, make sure to set aside time every week to spend with them and them alone.
• Accept differences of opinion with grace and kindness. They don't have to agree with you on every single thing. In fact many people who have vastly different political, philosophical, and even religious beliefs can have strong, happy relationships. Having a different opinion that you does not make them stupid and it doesn't make them your enemy; it simply means they have had different life experiences than you and therefore have a different worldview.
• Say yes! When they ask you to do something with them, they're asking for a little piece of you -- your time, your life, because they want to share it with you. Say yes with an open heart and have fun with them!
• Trust them. Don't get caught up in thinking they might want to be with someone else. Part of this is just loving yourself. Do everything you can to make and keep yourself awesome- physically, mentally, emotionally, socially. And know that this is enough for the person who loves you. Of course there are other beautiful and wonderful people in the world. Give your partner the freedom to acknowledge and admire them, but know that they are with you because you're unique and wonderful too. Jealousy is nasty and it turns people nasty. Don't give in to it.
• Let them win. This is hard if you're competitive like I am, and don't get me wrong! I'm not saying let them win at everything all the time or to make yourself look completely incompetent. But, have you ever played a game with some who always wins, or with someone who gets upset when they didn't win?  Doesn't make you want to play with them much, does it? And I'm not just talking about games and sports, although that's a big part of it, especially with guys who are super competitive. It's also about arguments. Do you always have to have the last word? Do you always have to be right? Again, not much fun for your partner, is it?
• Get into what they're into. If they like a different music than you, give it a shot! You might just love it. My ex listened to Christian worship music, and while I am a Christian, I just never gave it much of a chance until right around the time we broke up. Now I love it.
• Don't let yourself be too busy. I know it is hard! I am a single mom, had just started a brand new job teaching full-time and had recently moved. I was busy and stressed out, All. The. Time. There were days I barely made time to send a picture or a text to my partner. At the time I felt like I was doing what I could, but looking at it from his perspective, it was probably very hurtful. Make time, no matter how tired you are, no matter how many things you have on your plate. Because if they leave, you'll find that there was plenty of time after all.
• Have fun! It's so important to have fun in a relationship, no matter what you're doing. You're in a relationship to have fun with someone and share your life with them. There's no reason to make it any more hard or stressful than it has to be. 
• Don't take anyone for granted. This is the ultimate point of this whole list. For many reasons, you have no idea how much time you have left with someone. Never take their presence in your life for granted. Be present with them, give them your time and attention.