It is always my goal to be the happiest and most calm mama I can be. Did you know that children of happy parents become happy themselves? It seems obvious, right? Children model themselves after their parents. Think about all the traits you got from your parents, whether you like them or not. Children of stressed out parents are also more stressed out themselves. So, one of the most important things we can do for our children is to take care of ourselves and make ourselves the most happy, calm, stress-free versions of ourselves we can be. Then our children will naturally follow our lead and be happier, calmer and stress-free themselves. But how? Don't worry, I've got you...
Silence Everyone knows silence is golden, but for a parent, silence can be untold treasure. So many of us are surrounded by noise, motion and chaos every minute of the day, and it is no surprise that we get out of touch with ourselves, wrapped up in little things that don't really matter, and completely disregulated at times. Take the time in silence to reset your mind. Whether it is a quiet car ride, a walk around the block, a moment to go outside and watch the sunset (or sunrise) or look at the stars, or just a simple 5-minute meditation, we all need a moment to get away from the mundanity of everyday life and realize that we are greater spirits in this world. Turn off the distractions and take a moment to connect with yourself.
Clean Space Our outer world reflects our inner world, and if there are dishes stacked up in the sink, stacks of mail on the counter-top, and things generally strewn around our homes, it affects us. This effect is at least double for women, who can become very overwhelmed, anxious and even depressed if their space is overly cluttered. I am not exactly a minimalist, but I am working towards being more minimal in the things that I own. We only have so much time in the day, and how much of that do we want to spend picking up (often after someone else?) Not that much! We've got more to do with our precious time and energy. Although minimizing our objects is a long and difficult process, it is well worth it for us and for our children, However, don't think that just getting rid of things once will magically take care of everything in your life. This is a continual process, just like cleaning, so make it a habit.
Chocolate and Wine Yes, it's true. Chocolate and wine have calming and happy chemical-inducing effects and sometimes it's just what you need. For me, Friday and Saturday evenings are the perfect time to enjoy a couple glasses of wine. As for chocolate, I allow myself a couple of pieces of my favorite chocolates every single day after work.
Eating Fresh (Detox) What we put into our bodies affects us, and not just physically. Did you know that you can eat for more calm and happiness? Foods high in vitamins and nutrients like magnesium, zinc, B vitamins and essential fatty acids are reported to calm us, as are complex carbohydrates like whole grains. Unsurprisingly, a diet high in fresh fruits and vegetables like leafy greens will make us calmer and less anxious. But don't forget about the drinks! A compound in green and black tea has been found to produce calming effects and chamomile tea has been shown to relax people as much as muscle relaxers. Cheers to that!
Getting Outside I'm a natually out-doorsy person. I love the feeling of warm sunlight on my skin. I enjoy taking walks, going to the park, going on hikes and bike rides. It's not surprising that these things improve mood and calm the mind. It's been shown that green and blue spaces, meaning areas with trees and water, improve mood and calm the mind. While the active outdoor lifestyle is important, it can even help just to go out and sit in the outdoors, even in wintertime. Just make sure to bundle up if it's cold!
Playing with your Little Sometimes the last thing we want is to play with our children. It can be hard for a lot of parents for a variety of reasons. Sometimes we can't turn off the internal to-do list. Sometimes we don't like the way our children play. (For me, I had a long period of time where I dreaded playing Barbies with my daughter because she always wanted to play it exactly her way, word for word.) But it's important to find something we can play with our children in order to bond and release happy hormones. It also increases our joy! For me, I couldn't play Barbies with my daughter, but I love playing cards or board games, or taking her to the park and playing. Sometimes I just invite her to walk the dog with me and we play little games as we walk. Lately, we've gotten into fun video games like Just Dance!
Being Spontaneous and Playful As a mom, it is easy to start to feel like you're just no fun anymore, but if you look deep inside, you actually still are! Maybe you've just gotten into a rut of cleaning, cooking and correcting, on repeat. Pull out the spontaneous and playful side of yourself, even just for an afternoon. Every now and then I like to make a soccer mom drink, take my girls to the park and just let go and have fun. No teaching, no correcting (as long as everyone is safe.) Run around, try out the monkey bars, swing... You can be spontaneous and playful at home, too. Sing loudly just for the fun of it. Give family members hugs or tickles out of the blue. Dance while you're cooking dinner or vacuuming. Put on something comfortable or put on your nicest dress just for the hell of it. Just get back to your own playful spirit.
Getting Enough Sleep Yes, it's true! You can't be your best self if you're sleep-deprived. Just ask me for the first six months after my second daughter was born. I felt tired all the time, but also hungry, moody and honestly depressed. I couldn't see my own blessings. Everything felt terrible all the time. Some people call it the baby blues, but I think so much of it boiled down to just not getting enough good quality sleep. Luckily my little one began to sleep more and I started going to bed every night by 10:30. No exceptions. Now, I feel happier and more able to navigate the ups and downs of my everyday life.
Me Time Taking time for yourself is seriously important and, no, that doesn't mean going to the grocery store alone (although sometimes we take what we can get.) You need time all for yourself, whatever that means to you. I personally love time to take care of myself by taking a long bath, shaving, doing facial masks, painting my nails and toenails... That makes me feel like me again. I also like taking an hour after work and going to the gym, going for walks, and getting exercise. I also like time to work on my own creative projects. And a massage? Yes, please! For some people, they like to go out to eat or get drinks with friends, or go see a movie on their own, or go and get their hair done. Anything you love will do, just take some time for yourself.
Being Creative As I said, I enjoy working on my own creative projects. I journal, write, scrap-book and make art whenever possible. I also like to involve the kids by doing fun crafts. There is always some seasonal craft we can do. For example, we're doing Valentine's Day crafts this weekend. When you unleash your creativity, you allow your brain to work in new ways that you normally don't use, especially if you don't have a very creative job. If you do have a creative job, like I am blessed to have, it's still nice just to make something, not for work but just for you, or for your kids, a family member or friend!
Getting Your Work Done Most of these suggestions have had to do with letting loose and enjoying yourself, but the truth is, if you have things to do it is very hard to turn off your brain. Think back to school when you had a big project or paper due. Before it was done, you knew you should work on it. As the deadline grew closer and closer, your anxiety about it may have grown, especially if you were procrastinating or had some type of mental block. If you went out with your friends the weekend before it was due, you may have had fun, but somewhere in the back of your mind you knew that project was there, waiting for you to work on it and finish it. Work still affects us like it did back then. If you have something to turn in at work, it will loom over you until it is done. If you have a project around the house to finish, you will find it hard to really let go and enjoy yourself until it is finished. So don't wait! Get it done and enjoy your life, stress-free!
Limiting Screen Time (for you, too!) We know our kids do better with less screen time, but guess what? You need limits on your screen time too! It is my personal belief that we as a society are all developing ADHD to some degree, mostly due to screen time and our go-go-go, get everything immediately society. More and more research shows that spending time on social media isn't good for our mental health, but any screens can be detrimental. People used to watch some TV or movies occasionally, but at some point it became normal to watch hours and hours a day. Then, computers and cell phones developed more and more and now many people are glued to a screen the vast majority of their day. We need time to shut off the screens and really live our lives rather than watching someone else's glorified version of life. We will be so much happier, I promise you.
Music Yes, music makes us happy and calm, if we listen to the right music that is. If you hate heavy metal, that's probably not going to do it for you. I used to listen to really negative music in high school and I wondered why I was depressed all the time (the music was not the only factor, but it certainly didn't help.) Now, I like to listen to positive and encouraging, upbeat music to put me in a good mood and more chill, instrumental music to wind down to.
Kick Back and Relax We all need to just chill out sometimes. Invite a friend's family over for dinner, drinks, games and/or a movie. We started doing this recently and I cannot express how much happiness it's brought me and my family. It doesn't even have to be fancy! Just a couple pizzas, a salad and some beer, wine, and sodas can make for a great evening with friends. You can kick back, relax and enjoy the people around you.
Exercise Yep, exercise makes us happier and more calm. Lab rats who exercise are more capable at dealing with stress than sedentary rats, and we are no different. If I've sweated it out at the gym, I don't have the energy to worry about things that don't really matter, for one thing! Let that stress out with cardio and weight-lifting every week, if not every day.
Rest Day On the 7th day, God rested, and it's one of the 10 Commandments for a reason. We need rest. We cannot be constantly working, moving, and on-the-go. It's just not good for our bodies or for our minds. So take a whole day (yes I do prefer Sunday,) and just chill. You don't have to take this back to the 19th century where you couldn't do anything, though. A couple loads of laundry or dishes is fine. A walk to the park is great. Just make sure to take some time off from the hustle and bustle of life.
How do you stay calm and happy as a Woohoo parent? Let me know in the comments below!
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