As moms, our lives tend to center around our children, partners, home and all the tasks and chores that go with them. But what about YOU? Who is there to take care of your needs and desires?
Do you feel guilty taking time for yourself? If so, let me tell you: self-care is NOT selfish. Putting yourself first is not only good for you— it’s actually good for your family too! When you prioritize your well-being, you'll become a happier, healthier, and more present mom. Just ask me how I know.
So, how can you start putting yourself first? Let’s break it down:
1. Own It: You Deserve It and So Do They
Self-care is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. You are the foundation of your family and the stressed out, martyr mother isn't working for anyone anymore. Sure, maybe you're putting food on the table, getting them to appointments and taking care of their basic needs, but if you’re constantly exhausted, stressed, or running on empty, ask yourself: am I really giving my best to my loved ones?
Repeat after me: "Taking care of me helps me take better care of them."
2. Schedule it!
Life is busy. If you wait for the perfect moment, it may never come. Treat your self-care like an important appointment, one you wouldn't dare breaking, like lunch with a client or a meeting with your boss at work.
Block out time on your calendar (start small: 10–15 minutes a day or a half hour to an hour a week) for something you love like reading, journaling, yoga, or taking a walk. I set aside an hour twice a week for a relaxing bubble bath and a half an hour 3 times a week for walks, yoga and weightlifting. If I can make more time for it, great! But if not, I still know I've taken care of the bare minimum that I need.
Set boundaries and communicate with your family that this time is non-negotiable. This part can seem tough, but sometimes giving up the reigns can be surprisingly appreciated by everyone. When I began taking an afternoon walk without my family, I was shocked by their reaction. They became less needy and more self-reliant. Knowing I wasn't there meant they couldn't ask me for help if they wanted something. They began doing more for themselves and asking Daddy for help when they needed it. (Yes, I am the "default parent" in a lot of aspects.)
3. Learn to Say No, Guilt-Free
Is it just me or are we often people-pleasers, saying yes to every meeting, fundraiser, playdate and event that comes up, even the ones that don't serve us? If that's you too, listen up; every time you say "yes" to something that drains you, remember: you’re saying "NO" to yourself.
Ask yourself: will anyone really notice, care, or remember that you weren't there a year from now? If not, practice saying no with confidence. There are important things we need to do, like going to friends' birthday parties and neighborhood picnics. But there are also things that rob us of our time and energy that we can safely cross of the calendar for good.
And here's the kicker: setting boundaries teaches our children to do the same. If you don't want your children to be overwhelmed, stressed-out people pleasers, show them how NOT to be one.
4. Delegate and Ask for Help
You don’t have to do it all! Let go of that “supermom” myth (Don't worry, you're still a super mom, no matter what!) Let others support you. Beg others to support you! Pay others to support you! Anything that gets the job done.
Involve your partner or kids in household chores. This looks like "Hey, Caitlyn, I need you to come put the dishes away, please. Jeremy, can you pick up milk on the way home?" Make consequences if they won't help. "I'd love to take you to your friend's house, but first you need to pick up your room." And if you're lucky enough to have friends and family offering to help, let them! Even if they're not always doing as well as you want, done badly is better than not done.
Sometimes we have to create our own village. Outsource the chores that drain you most. You could do meal delivery kits if you hate cooking or hire a cleaning service if deep cleaning just isn't your thing. My mom hired a woman to do laundry at our house for a couple of years when she was in the thick of it as a working mother. If you don't have the money to outsource, make sure and teach everyone in the family to do their own laundry, dishes, clean up after themselves, etc. Even a toddler can help cleaning up her room, putting laundry in the machine or bakery, folding and more! It takes time and A LOT of repetition, but eventually they will start to get it. When they do, praise, praise, and praise some more!
5. Your Physical and Mental Health Matter
Your mind and body need care, too. Prioritizing your health isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
Get enough sleep (as much as possible with little ones!) Take radical naps when needed. When my kiddos were babies, I'd nap with them at much as possible. At work, I'd turn off the lights and take a nap at my desk when I needed one. I've even caught a quick snooze in the car on a sunny day once or twice.
Other ways to feel good? Move your body in ways that feel good (walking, dancing, stretching). Nourish yourself with foods that give you energy. Seek therapy or support groups if you're feeling overwhelmed. Even just taking with a friend can help.
6. Reconnect With What Makes You YOU
Remember way way back, before motherhood, when you had passions, hobbies, and interests that made you feel alive? Don’t forget about them!
Make a list of activities that bring you joy. For me it's walking, yoga, weightlifting, journaling, reading and writing. We also do a monthly date night that gives us a chance to just be ourselves and do something fun without the kids. Set aside time weekly (or even monthly) to do some of these activities. Remember: Being a mom is part of your identity, not ALL of it.
7. Lead by Example
By prioritizing yourself, you’re teaching your children a valuable lesson: Self-care is important. They will learn that taking care of their needs, setting boundaries, and finding joy are essential parts of life.
So the next time you hesitate to put yourself first, remember: A happy, fulfilled mom is the best gift you can give your family.
Now it’s your turn! What’s one small way you can start putting yourself first today? Let’s talk in the comments!
Comments
Post a Comment